Ko me v mojem najranljivejšem trenutku pogleda v oči in
reče “i got you”, se z mene odvali tona nečesa
težkega, instinktivno jo še močneje objamem okrog vratu
in sprostim vse mišice v telesu, ker… ker ji verjamem.
Mogoče pa upam, da mi ne spolzi med prsti.
Se spomniš, ko si vstopila vame? Me
potegnila k sebi in svoja obliznjena
prsta porinila še globje vame?
Iščem tisti občutek, ko sem
vdihnila tebe in izdihnila naju.
.
.
.
Porinem boke proti njeni glavi in,
mmmmmmm, evo ga.
Še vedno te čutim, še vedno vidim, kako
zaviješ z očmi od užitka, ampak danes najine
nepotrebne spomine zamenjujem
z drugimi.
Pustila si flek na mojem bedru, in tudi
v glavi, ampak jutri ji povem, kje naj
pritisne, da bo še bolj pasalo.
(Sej se spomniš, kje.)
glaring at me with those brown eyes, memories
playing out in my head when this same situation
was far less awkward and far more arousing.
trying to imagine the taste of cigarette on her
lips and would i really like her tongue enough to
ignore it?
apparently i shouldve cause she left (me) without
an orgasm.
one day i will roll my feelings up in a ball,
like an old newspaper, leave them on a park
bench and walk away. ill write them on a
postcard, choose a random address from an
outdated phonebook and never look back. ill
start a new notepad file, type out all i feel
and then press the backspace button till an
error pops up. ill get a tattoo of a million
dots and each sting of the needle will remind
me of all the times ive missed you. ill look
you in the eye, say all this out loud and
if you ask ill say its actually for
someone
else.
komaj jo čakam.
da neham čutit, jo imet rada
pogrešat
si prizadevat razumet
in ne želet pogovora, dotika, pogleda
ustnic
življenja
potrpljenje, pravijo.
ob 3:41 je težko.
youll need it later, her eyes will hunt
you down, i promise you that. with her
head between your legs and your hands
gripping the wall, youre playing out your
cards
and youre losing
her.
the discomfort of knowing you have no
aces left up your sleeves, you let in
to the panic that reigns your mind
and surrender
to loss.
behind closed eyes and that clenched jaw
is terror that brings us to the end for which
neither was psyched, but we took off our love
goggles to look at grinning teeth of reality,
successful for another moon passing ignoring
the jitters of impending questionable doom.
lets set our house on fire to look like heroes when
we put it out seemed like a good idea, but dont we
already fit seamsely without thinking there is something
more?
vague glances from across the glass that do not
linger in fear of exposing a primal desire, timely
in tune yet random enough to ignore till next
mute worthing of meaningless sentences, encapsulating
drunken ideas worthy of intervention and a slap of a
thousand sand grains, sipping as gently as your blonde
hair in summer storm.
come back with me, my desire lost.
she gives me anything but despair, leaving my desires
wondering how can she? dirty lovers, raising hell with a saint
she portrays, always tightroping on edge of lust and
complete sadness, idle confetti after a victorious
lap, utterly free challenging mad hatter, lost like
the yellow brick road. mixing analogies like drinks and
exposed only to her eyes staring back, bite marks tell
our story, tonight is another
mistake.
