scribble scrabble

“da me ne pozabiš.”

vožnja s taxijem
najdaljše štiri minute
dvigalo v popolni tišini
živčno me dela
totalno nerodno stopim v stanovanje
grem do kompa
“glasba, to, e, točno to rabiva!”
postavi se pred mano
samo v modrcu
ne vem, kdaj ji je uspelo slečt tshirt
porine me v smeri postelje
dva metra od mize do postelje se zdita krajša kot ponavadi
komaj se ulovim in vsedem na rob postelje
skloni se nad mene in med poljubljanjem sleče hlačke
črno oblekco si povleče nad boke
prav ne vem, kaj naj z rokama
bolj kot ne visita z mene
še kar drži pogled
zenici ima večji od lune
vsede se mi v naročje
vzame mojo desno roko
oblizne kazalec in sredinec
ekstra počasi popelje roko
po notranji strani svojih stegn
čeljust mi pade nekam na tla
ko začutim, kako je mokra
sekundo kasneje me dokončno kap
prsta porine vase
in začne gibat z boki
z vsakim gibom moja prsta zdrsneta globje vanjo

iz šoka me zdrami okus po krvi
njeni zobje v moji ustnici
“vse najboljše.”

scribble scrabble

tokrat zmagam jaz.

zdelo se je kot zabavna ideja
“kako dolgo nama uspe stati ena pred drugo
čisto blizu”
seveda jo zdaj obžalujem
le kaj sem razmišljala?
instant fiks?
rajcanje part deux?
rajcanje?
zdej imam, kar imam
stoji pred mano
2 centimetra stran
naslonjena je na steno
mogoče bi bilo boljše, če bi bila jaz
itak me noge ne držijo že od prve minute
čutim njeno dihanje
skozi njen tshirt vidim njeno dihanje
črn modrc
bel tshirt
uf
v glavi se mi vrti ll cool j
doin’ it
obliva me kurja polt
in me spusti
vsak nov val je močnejši
in čutim ga vedno nižje
ona pa cela zenovska
zaprte oči
situacija je ne gane sploh
na drugi strani jaz
hladim se z izdelavo nakupovalnega seznama
tista scena iz 300
in potem
vzdihne
začutim njen dah na obrazu
odprem oči
spustim pogled
in se zagledam direkt v njeni ustnici
malo razprte
polne
napete
danes še posebej rdeče, kljub šminki
lasje ji padejo na oči
pobožajo moje čelo
v trenutku imam suha usta
utrip čutim v zgornji ustnici
.
.
.
.
dead puppies
dead puppies
dead puppies
dead puppies
.
.
.
zaprem oči.
tokrat zmagam jaz.

scribble scrabble

cross my heart.

teach me how to remember her eye color
i prefer the lines of her lips when she smiles

i want to always know the place and time to exact minute of when we first kissed
not be oblivious to what day of the week it was

i shouldnt have to be picking up on clues to what she wants for her birthday
i ought to know it

and saying forevereverever should leave my mouth with determination,
not subliminally attached to a question mark.

let me crawl into your skin for a minute,
i promise to leave when i learn what love is.

scribble scrabble

in ti si me.

resnica je, da me ni težko razumet.
v bistvu
se me zelo preprosto vodi. čisto iskreno, ko
maram, maram popolnoma.
grem za tem, sledim, upravičim si vse izgrede
in dejanja, z veseljem pohodim svoj ponos in včasih
grem preko sebe. ker resnica je, da ko zares
ljubim,
takrat ne znam lagat. se predam, skrijem v nek
kotiček, ne gledam naokoli in brez da bi sploh
razumela, kdaj točno se zgodi, grem, sem že šla,
me ni več in me nikoli več ne bo.
resnica je, da me ni težko razumet.

nekaj za duso, scribble scrabble

ampak lahko bi.

lahko bi ostala tu, veš?
tu, z mano.
in z dvema mačkoma.
alergija gor in dol.
lahko bi, pa ne boš.
vem, da ne boš.
tvoje obnašanje zadnje pol ure te je izdalo.
nisi pogosto živčna, zato je jasno, ko si.
vseeno si kjut.
mogoce še bolj, kaj pa vem.
ne maram se, ko to mislim.
morala bi te sovražit, ne?
ali ti vsaj zamerit?
nekaj pač?
lahko bi ostala in našla še par komadov za playlisto.
dobra si v tem.
imaš nek filing za glasbo, ki nardi mood.
najin mood.
tist, ko bi vse, a ne bi nič.
ležala bi na meni in gledala v strop.
debat o tečnem freudu že dolgo nisma imele.
lahko bi ostala, a ne boš.
kurc, če si kaj, si pa direktna in bolj direktno od “do njega grem” ne obstaja.

scribble scrabble

as long as she remembers the chair.

shes ignoring the little detail of my lips on
her neck, just as i was ignoring her silent
pleads to stop.
she’ll deny it felt so very good when i pushed
her back and fought to spread her legs. she
doesnt give a damn about the time i slid my
fingers inside her, yes, plural, she likes two
better than one,
and for the life of her she’ll never admit that
at that moment she had the orgasm
of her life,
but she remembers the chair.

scribble scrabble

resistance is always futile with her.

all evening i was foolishly, i admit, ignoring the lines of her
lips, but when she let go off her third glass of wine, forgot about
all her decisions to be a good girl and pulled me towards her,
i finally understood the definition of “insatiable”.
an adjective i gladly use for myself when it comes to the tip of
her tongue escaping her mouth, how her breath warms my lips
and the way her hips react when i reach between her legs is
simply intoxicating.
every time she moves away, i know this dance by heart. sacrilegious
but oh so much fun, id make the borg proud. she is a shot of
fireball whiskey that burns my mouth, a hangover i promised myself
never ever ever ever EVER again
and dont we all know what we do with promises?

scribble scrabble

it was worth it.

and we decided to make out in
the bathroom and listen to white stripes
on my shitty phone speakers instead
of interacting with the world.
and maybe its the molly but when the tip
of her tongue touched mine, i swear i could
feel it in my toes.

its my answer to her “i love you” that scares me.

scribble scrabble

bite my neck.

i dont want to make love, i dont want to fuck like
a married couple, i want lust, longing, desire. i want it
all.
tell me what you want to do to me, pull my hair, call
me a slut, i want the neighbours to complain, leave
scratch marks on my back, teeth marks on my
butt-cheek, grab me by my hips and pull me towards you.
make me beg for your tongue.

i want to be sore tomorrow, let me remember you when i
walk, allow me to lust over you when i lick coffee off the
cup, come to me in the dead of night
and
stay.

scribble scrabble, ti

i never wanted to write our breakup poem.

almost a year ago you met the child within
me on a playground outside my window and
brought words, words i cant dare to speak yet
they stick to my fridge, the same night i kissed
your cheek, inhaled your scent and
forgot to exhale.

six months later i didnt care how this would end
cus right then and there, as you wrapped your
arm around my neck, kissed my back and said
goodnight,
i knew ill love you forever.

it came too soon, last week, i waved you
goodbye when you ripped my heart out with
your last glance, ignoring my tears as i walked
home and swallowing words i shouldve said,
“maybe i need you.”.

words i shouldve written in thousand posts,
formatted and proof-read by the lines of my heart,
meant only for you, but it all ends, it
always ends,
even those love songs i wrote and never showed.

yesterday i carved my feelings for you into
my skin, promising myself theyll never change,
and today,
today im writing this and i never wanted to write
our breakup poem, but here it is.

the end.