everyday yapyap

faking sovražim pondelke.

že tretji pondelk po vikendu polnem ljubezni, pogledov, dotikov, besed, neobljub. po dnevih, ko so emocije le premagale racio in sem se popolnoma prepustila, ko sem dobila malo upov na prihodnost, videla upe za sedanjost..
in že tretji pondelk, ko je ni. ko ne vem, če pride nazaj. če bo lahko prišla nazaj. če bo sploh zelela. če bo zmogla. ko ne vem, kako je in ko ne upam vprašat. ko me noče blizu. še huje, ko me ne more imet blizu. ko je ne morem jaz imet bližje. ko si ne smem želet je imeti bližje, ker bi bilo egoistično. ampak ne morem, da ne bi.

tako faking sovražim pondelke.

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Never have I ever

Actually searched for and was excited to find white bed linen, imagined someone walking towards me so often and having conversations with in my shower, craved for silicone inside me the way she did it, had a heart shattered into a million pieces and didnt know if it could ever be mended.

Isnt that the most pathetic never have I ever?

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scribble scrabble

proficient in denial.

one day i will roll my feelings up in a ball,
like an old newspaper, leave them on a park
bench and walk away. ill write them on a
postcard, choose a random address from an
outdated phonebook and never look back. ill
start a new notepad file, type out all i feel
and then press the backspace button till an
error pops up. ill get a tattoo of a million
dots and each sting of the needle will remind
me of all the times ive missed you. ill look
you in the eye, say all this out loud and
if you ask ill say its actually for
someone
else.

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